In the latest "5-Minute Enterprise" by Colin "Zeke" Hayman, Capt. Archer obliterates a colony in time to get a scolding from Adm. Forrest. Meanwhile, to save himself from becoming the scapegoat, Ensign Mayweather heads to a purgatory of Trekial proportions.



Here are some samples from the latest parody of the Season 1 finale, "Shockwave."



Forrest: (over the comm) Well done, Jon! Your heroic theft of top-secret information you couldnt possibly have known about will surely clear your name without raising any eyebrows at all.

Archer: Thanks, I thought so. And best of all, we wont have to actually see Soval this week.

Forrest: Yeah, isnt it odd that he never showed up for these calls?

Janitor: (over the comm) Sir? I locked the doors of the Soval Office this morning just like you asked. Can I have my money now?

Forrest: Er... heh heh.



Bouncer: Not so fast, buster. You cant come in unless your names on the list.

Mayweather: Oh, hi. A friend of mine gave me your address. What is this place, anyway?

Bouncer: Cant you read the sign? This is the Underused CharactersTavern. Now gimme some ID and maybe I wont throw you across the street.

Mayweather: Underused characters? Hoshi must have made some mistake. See, Im Travis Mayweather and --

Bouncer: Mayweather? Thats YOU? Holy! Come in, come in! Youre a legend with these guys!



Jake Sisko: The worst part of being underused is the lack of romance. I barely even got kissing.

Tuvok: You are, however, capable of the reproductive act at any time. I may only perform it once every seven years.

Angel: Yeah? I may only perform it never!

Mayweather: Hey, whats he doing here? He has his own show!

Bouncer: Some idiot invited him in when he was on Buffy... now we cant get rid of him.



Silik: (over the comm) Pleased to see you again, Captain. And by pleased I mean please note that I have several jillion tons of ammo with your name on it.

Archer: Enough with the pleasantries. What do you want?

Silik: You.

Archer: Ew.

Silik: As a prisoner! We will make you one of us, the Cabals spokesman to your people. You will be called Loquacious.

Archer: And if I refuse?

Silik: Refusal is irrelevant.



Archer: Is this the part where we live happily ever after?

Daniels: I dont think so. At this point Im thinking its the part where we gape in horror at the ruined cityscape before us.

Archer: Im still too confused to gape in any realistic horror.

Daniels: You could gape in confusion.

Archer: Seems unoriginal.

Daniels: Look, just make up your mind. I dont wanna be arguing about this for the next three months.

Archer: Three months?

Daniels: There! I knew you could manage a horror gape.



The complete "5-Minute Enterprise" can be found at TrekToday.