I'm not sure if any of you remember me, but last year, there was an ion storm near the junction of Google.com and MSN.com that somehow allowed my column from a "mirror universe" to end up here. Of course, I say it's from a mirror universe, but in reality, it's you people who are in a mirror universe, not me.

My alter ego on this side said that while my column before about "Battlestar Galactica" never being picked up as a series confused some people, he thought it might be interesting to get a unique perspective of the world and asked if I would come back and write on occasion. That just shows how little the Michael Hinman in your world, and the real one that is me are different. I mean, the only thing I think we have in common is our good looks (and even then, the Michael HInman in your world needs to go to the gym ... now.)

So in trying to think how I could launch this column on a regular basis, your Hinman and me bounced some ideas back and forth, and I thought why not compare the most recent Star Trek movie from our universe with the one here. But then I learned that you guys haven't even received a new Star Trek film yet, and that it was still in production.

Even worse, it's a remake of the classic show ... but not even that. Your Spock has a smooth face! What blasphemy! There's a legend back in our show's 1960s run where our crew was caught in some ion storm or something and traveled over to the mirror universe. Leonard Nimoy, who played Spock at the time before the actor went missing on a hiking trip in Cuba, was asked to shave his goatee, because the Spock in the mirror universe wouldn't have one.

Let's just say Nimoy wasn't happy, and by the time he was done, two producers were dead. That Nimoy, he sure knew how to fight. But it was money that did the talking, and Nimoy agreed to shave his goatee and we had a smooth-faced Spock for a single episode, which ended up being the beginning of the end for "Star Trek" here as it was the lowest-rated episode of all time. It was a miracle the franchise ever came back at all.

But the franchise did come back and had a very long life before the last spinoff "Star Trek: Enterprise" which focused on Capt. Forrest and the ISS Enterprise in a long, awesome, drawn out war with the Tholians. Now that was Star Trek.

When "Enterprise" ended, the leader of our American Coalition -- Glorious Emperor George Bush -- commanded his viceroy, Tom Cruise, to get a new movie together, and they did. It was called "Star Trek: The Return," and featured the Romulan Wars. It was written by Erik Jendresen, and while it could've used a lot more blood and violence, it was an awesome film, and go the highest box office of all time. In fact, the great Emperor has already commanded that there be at least five more movies to follow despite the fact that Jendresen's work was supposed to be a trilogy.

If we were to remake the original series, I guess it would be OK. I mean, I'm just having a hard time imagining Spock without a goatee. Vulcans always have facial hair, even the women, where I'm from. That was the sexiest thing about T'Pol was the goatee she wore on Forrest's bridge.

One thing I do like about your world is that violence is just as celebrated there as it is here. Reading through your "Internet," I see that your people are deftly afraid of nudity, but love all the blood and gore you can get. I know some people might think that's odd since nudity isn't supposedly disturbing, but our society was built on the backs of war and violence, so it should be celebrated at every turn.

Let's hope that your ISS Enterprise in this new film has some glorious battles, and features the best race of all time: You know them, the Klingons.

I'll be back next month, but feel free to ask questions about my universe. Send my mirror counterpart an e-mail at mhinman@airlockalpha.com and he'll forward them to me. Maybe you'll see your letter here in the near future.

For the Empire!

Michael Hinman is a columnist for Airlock Alpha writing from the Mirror Universe.

"Star Trek XI" premieres Dec. 25. Check out the movie's official site by clicking here.

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